Monday, June 1, 2009

it's a cunt, dear

Please don't ever let me hear you say "va-jay-jay". That could could be the dumbest thing I have ever heard anyone say. Seriously. There are PLENTY of words that already existed pre-va-jay-jay that are both witty and appropriate to use in your everyday speaking when referring to a vagina, and by the way I have never had a random conversation about vaginas in the presence of anybody that I couldn't just say "vagina" if I felt the need to. But apparently vaginas are being discussed everywhere now and nobody can say "vagina" so here are some suggestions that won't make you sound like a twat:

Twat-believe it or not you can actually say twat on TV. I learned this watching TopChef last season. I'd like to hear Oprah say "twat."

Crotch-there's an old stand-by that can be used for anything in that general area, a multi-purpose label. (Or it has also been pronounced "kwotch" at my house.)

Vaj-short, sweet, right to the point

Box-a little on the trashy side I'll admit, but if you're discussing vaginas in a place where it's not appropriate to say "vagina" you're running the risk of being trashy anyway. Aside from a physician or a tampax employee who the hell talks about vaginas?!

And of course if you've ever seen the movie "Boys On The Side" you can use either the word sissy or hoo-hoo. I personally think hoo-hoo is great. The title of this post was snatched from that very movie. Yes, I said snatched and "snatch" goes in the same category as "box".
With all these options there is no reason for you to ever say va-jay-jay again. Trust me, we're making the world a better place by stamping out the word VA-JAY-JAY.

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